Friday, April 05, 2013

AMA Nationals in Canberra

I flew down to Canberra for Easter to compete in the AMA Nationals.  This would be my first step out in a National comp and I was feeling very nervous.  I was so under done with my training.  I am still very very unfit and only just coming out of injury.

First up was the 5000m track.  It was COLD....well ok...ideal racing conditions but it felt so very cold to me.  It was 7 degs and 12 degs for racing.  Once I had done a lap I was warming up and I must admit it felt good to be able to breathe!

The 5000m was nothing startling.  My time was 28:20 giving me a Silver and I am happy enough with that.  It gives me a base time and something to improve on.  My coach pulled me aside after the race and taught me how to walk...normal walking!!!  My right knee drifts in now and this drags my right hip forward.  So he has me walking along a line and keeping my hips level....(feels like I am crabbing sideways with my left hip...thats how far out I was)

The next race was the 10km road.  I knew this would be tough.  I had been very consistent in my 5000m per lap...would I manage the same in the 10km.  The course was not the greatest....beautiful scenery but under foot not so much.  It was uneven footpath, raised footpath with tree roots and low hanging trees.  Not to mention LOTS of cyclists!!!

I got a better start but Jim noted that I need to be careful for the first 50m.  I set chase after the leading ladies but my fitness was letting me down.  I resided to try to be consistent.   It was also april fools day and my coach Jim was helping out - he was incharge of the DQ board.  I came past for my first lap and he called out that my name was up.......I was guttered to glance and see my number .... then he moved his hand and I saw in large letters APRIL FOOL!!  man he was lucky I was racing as I would have slapped him!!  but it was a good prank and got me good.

total time was 59:08 so I did what I set out to do and crack 60mins.  I also got silver for this one too.

I must admit that all my family drama weighed heavy on my mind while I was away.  I dont accept that I am "playing the victim"  .... yes I will agree that by accident, an item of importance was originally broken and then thrown out.  But I honestly didnt know the importance of that item.  (plus we were selling our house and throwing out ALOT of our own important stuff) Seeing as I picked out every other important item I would have thought it obvious that I had no clue to the importance of the glass containers.  Any how....what I don't accept is the after math and finding out that "my worth" was measured by the two glass bowls and teddy bear chimes.  That the not posting these items would cost me my daughters and my grand children.  That a year later it would also cost my Mother her grandchildren and great grandchildren.
To get back from racing and be told that they have both unfriended my mother was just heartbreaking.  That was the last tie that my own grandmother had to the girls and great great grandchildren.  This whole mess has just been taken to a whole new level and now almost an entire family has been removed.  The stupid thing is ... it hasnt been my mother that has been giving me photos or updates.  It has been one of the 28 joint freinds or family that we share.  I wonder now how far they will go.  Will they dare to unfriend all family and friends that we share?  Will they continue to read my blog.....which I find amusing seeing as one minute they tell friends "I am dead to them" and the next tell family that they "avoid me at all costs"
Well one thing for sure........I am totally over it.  They really dont want me to care about them any more..they got it.  They want me to forget about them and not try to contact them any more...they got it.  I will be in Cairns during August....I wont bother trying to contact them.  They can explain to their kids why I am not part of their life.  I have the returned cards that show I tried.  I am so over their drama and selfishness.  Their lack of respect for family and elders is just beyond words......I didnt bring them up that way.
It is so time for me to walk away.  Its their loss now....not mine.  Their choice .. not mine.

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